Change

There's a burning in my heart, a yearning for something different. I'm always after the new and shiny thing. And because I know this is my tendency, I have learned to be still and search my heart and my motivations and check the level of my inner resources. This burning and yearning, this unsettled feeling has been within me for the last 25 years.

Richard Rohr says the best critique of the bad is the living out of the better.

I have balked at the call to ministry for decades. I have always said that my life's vocation IS ministry. I dedicated my life to this when I was 12. But thinking about starting a church...that's something different. 

I still don't want to do it. It will be work and I don't have time for it. But I am tired of what is. And if it doesn't exist then I have to make it myself.

I need to stop being pensive over other Christians who aren't in the same place. I just need to move on and be with those who are at least at the same starting point.

I need to do this for myself. To grow. To be the change I want to see in the world instead of trying to pull others along or feeling stifled and stymied by those who are not in a place to move forward.

Can doing something for myself be the same as doing something for the Divine/the Universe? I've always been told it was wrong to do something for yourself, that is, it is selfish. But if it is a calling that has rested in my heart by the Divine for decades, I know it's not going to be just for me since I have seen the fruits of my inner labour poured out to others already. I have been still, and I have known the Divine.

Be the change you want to see in the world.