Trimmed for Travel

Trimming for travel,
Shaking off others shackles.
Advancing...dancing. 

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"The more you learn..."

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The saying goes, "The more you learn, the less you know." But from my Old Colony Mennonite heritage, the saying is a bit different, "The more you learn, the more you're wrong." This saying, in itself, has a few different meanings. One is that, the more you expose yourself to knowledge the more responsible you are for  that knowledge. From ultra orthodox Mennonite colonies in Latin America, I have heard stories of women running from the room if someone started to read the Bible. One woman told me that her mother would chastise her husband if he took out his Bible to read it, "Put that book away!" I never grew up part of the Old Colony, but it's funny how a generational way of thinking snuck in to my consciousness. Paradigm shifts are not easy. No Staples big red button here. Gaining knowledge that contradicted what I had been taught cause inner turmoil and struggle as the tectonic plates beneath me shifted. I remember at times thinking, "I wish...
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Inner Toddler

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 In your anger do not harm yourself or others. I'm doing a course through a meditation app on better understanding the anger within myself. One of the exercises is to think about the things that make you angry and locate where that anger lives in your body. The last time I listened to a lesson from the instructor, which was a couple of weeks ago (I am not, if anything, inconsistent), she was talking about our "inner child." I've always thought of her an my "inner toddler." Most of the time she doesn't want to transition. For example, she doesn't want to leave the house, get out of bed in the morning, take a shower, get to work. She's very vocal in my head, but that's a post for another day. Today, she told me that she was scared when I got angry. She was scared that I was angry at her. When I get angry at myself, it's to my current older self. I told her, with the utmost care, that I was never angry at her. When I'm angry, it's us...
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Bird Talk

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 I'm reading an "old" book this summer. It was published in 1986. One short section most mornings. Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg . I bought it ages  ago and I believe I didn't get very far because one of the first things she says is that writing is a journey of exploring the truth of what is. And like Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth!" I couldn't. I couldn't handle the truth of my inner life in turmoil, the weight of lies that I believed about myself. So, unconsciously I slipped the volume into my library and kept the pain inside. But it never stays inside. It pours out and wounds those in my orbit. I can see this now. Now, as I read her passages, I can see that I wasn't ready for Natalie's words at that time. Or maybe, had I persisted, I would have begun the healing process earlier. No matter. Here I am. Today's reading was about writing first lines. Write a b...
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